So like I said yesterday was a rough day.
I have spent the last week waiting and thinking and waiting and thinking.
What will the doctor say to me? What will be my next step? What will treatment look like? I had so many questions and no idea what I was going to be told.
I have also spent the last week praying. I have been asking God to show me what I am supposed to. What plan will be best for me. Not what other people suggest or what other people have done. But what is best for me.
So today I went to the doctor very confident in what I am supposed to do. But I had to keep reminding myself that the doctor might say something completely different.
Talk about a major internal tug of war.
I would pull and pull, knowing what to do, what I felt the Lord telling me. And just as I pull almost to the other side...yank...what if this is not what the doctor recomends, what if this is not possible?
My heart had deep rope burns by this morning.
When I got to the doctors today and sat down with him. I laid out everything I had been thinking and he looked at me and said "that is exactly right".
Open the gates that the righteous nation may enter, the nation that keeps faith. You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD himself, is the Rock eternal. Isaiah 26:2-4