This week has gone by uncomfortably fast.
It has been a whirlwind, as have the last three weeks as well.
I have spent these past few weeks preparing my job, my house and my children for me to be "out of commission" for several weeks.
God has been asking me to sit down with Him and really prepare my heart for what I am about to go through. As God usually does with me, He starts out slowly and gently and as I grow increasingly busier (sometimes in an effort to avoid the inevitable) He gets louder and more persistant.
Monday night I got to do just that. I sat down with God and just let Him have it. As painful as it was just to lay my heart out bare it was equally sweet because He reminded me of His Truth and gave me the peace that can only come from Him.
When a person is diagnosed with cancer there are several stages that they go through. The first stage is shock. When you are speechless and kind of floating outside of your body. Usually this stage does not last very long because really life keeps happening, you have to talk and there is no time for floating.
The second stage is action. Ok...we know what this is now what are we going to do. Lets develop a plan of treatment and get the show on the road. This is a pretty cold stage where again there is no time for floating and no time for emotions.
The third stage and where I am now is emotional. And I am not talking about walking around hysterical and crying because really all that would do is rob me of my joy and how would God receive glory in that?
Emotional is real and lasts for quite a while because cancer changes your whole perception of reality. We view life as something that just is and cancer comes in and says 'this can be taken away from you at any minute and you really are not in control of this at all'.
Emotional is hurt, it is sad, it is fear and it is standing in a group of people and thinking to yourself is this really real? Is this happening to me? How am I still functioning?
There is only one answer to that.
God wants to take all of these real emotions and deal with them. He does not want me to keep them bottled up or ignore them. He wants to speak Truth over me and remind me that He goes before me and is with me and never leaves me or forsakes me (Deuteronomy 31:8) , that His perfect love casts out all fear (1 John 4:18) and that He has loved me with an everlasting love; He has drawn me with unfailing kindness. (Jeremiah 31:3).
This is the beauty of Christ. We live in a messed up world with sickness and hurt and He tells us that yes, while we will get sick and we will hurt, we need not worry because He never changes. We can be caught up in a whirlwind, but just hold on because He is a Rock that will not be shaken.
How can I put my faith and trust in anything else besides that?
So I am asking the Lord that the peace that He has given me this week continue. That I will have that peace on Monday when I go to the hospital. That I will have this peace in a year...in fifteen years...in thirty years and up until I stand before Him and say yay!!
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27
Pray this for me too.